Sex is a troubling issue for many people. There, we’ve said it already. So if this is the case for you too, perhaps you’ve found yourself in the right place and can give yourself a break, and ‘it’ a bit more thought

Isn’t There Already Enough Talk About Sex?

Arguably, we’re in a time of liberated attitudes to sex, sexuality and sexual expression, gender fluidity, and myriad ways to explore and participate. Yet this doesn’t necessarily make it any easier. In our experience as relationship therapists, embarrassing, confusing, complicated, anxiety-provoking and frustrating are closer to how many people seem to feel about their sex lives – as opposed to the alternatives of it being something that’s exciting, playful, creative, straightforward, relaxing and fun.

Ideas about sex and what is deemed ‘normal’ are literally thrust in our faces much of the time, and this doesn’t help. Hollywood often portrays sex between two consenting adults as passionate yet caring, loving, athletic, exuberant, always mutually satisfying – and clean. Pornography – which let’s face it is how many people learn about sex these days – conveys similarly distorted messages of ‘what’s normal’ in terms of sexual performance, body shapes and sizes, and practices. Add to that views from friends and family, religion and the wider culture and sure, it’s going to be a challenge for anyone to ‘do it’ right!

The difficulty arises then, when we compare ourselves to these versions of ‘what’s (supposedly) normal’ and realise that “I’m not”. This can be a worrying discovery, and can cause havoc in new, fledgling and well established relationships alike, especially if the idea of owning up to ‘our oddities’ and sharing them with our partners is considered too risky.

So Why Do I Need To?

If you really want an enjoyable and satisfying sex life, whether that’s with a life partner or with many, we just think it’s good common sense to be able to openly talk about sex with them.

In some quite fundamental ways, sex just can’t be as normal as we’d like it to be, nor in the ways our society tells us it should be. What’s left then is coming to terms with your own thoughts, needs, preferences, desires and fantasies, and being able to talk honestly with someone else about theirs.

‘Let’s Talk About Sex’ Programme Outline

In these guided sessions with a BeLoveCurious therapist, you’ll start to consider the limiting beliefs you hold about sex and intimacy and notice where they get in the way of you being able to express yourself as freely as you’d like. You can then decide which you want to hold onto and which you can let go of, to more authentically express your desires and fears, your turn ons and turn offs and get more of what you do want!

In these sessions you will access useful personal insights, simple techniques and tools to help you to express yourself, your desires, your needs and preferences more honestly and effectively. This will help you to create a more intimate connection with your partner, based on a deeper understanding of yourself. Suitable for Individuals & Couples aged 18+

Getting to Know You Session 1		Tell us all about your love, sex & relationship story so far – where you’re at, where you want to be & what you think is stopping you from having the kind of sex life you want. If you’ve already had a trial session we’ll use this session to focus in on a ‘Conversation that Matters’
Conversations that Matter Session 2		Sessions 2-4: We’ll be curious together about the things that are important to you in your approaches to sex & intimacy. We might be curious about … the disempowering beliefs & opinions you hold about yourself and partners when it comes to sex, intimacy and physical affection. We’ll consider the sex & relationship rules you subscribe to, and how these may limit your ability to communicate and express yourself freely
Session 3		We might be curious about … the key people and events in your life now and in the past; from the quality of your current relationship, to your childhood family’s views on love, sex & relationships, your own early experiences and even the impact of having children. Many of these may have shaped your expectations and views on what’s ‘right or wrong’ then and now
Session 4		We might be curious … about the strategies you use (knowingly and otherwise) to conform, confront or deny your impulses, and consider related issues such as appearance and body image, self-confidence, health issues, reproduction & fertility and more
Making Sense of My Story  Session 5		Reflecting on conversations so far, we’ll consider the thoughts, behaviours and patterns that have been limiting your sexual self. As we start to make sense of your story it becomes possible to consider the kinds of changes that will transform your personal relationship to sex-love-intimacy -naturally and for good!
What Now? Session 6		By the time you reach Session 6, it’s likely that you’ll already have lots of your own ideas about the kinds of changes you can make – and these will seem fresh, exciting & fun! We’ll help you to clarify what’s important to you going forward, and offer some simple steps to for you to put your learning into practice. In being more OK with your sexual self, you’ll experience greater confidence – and will probably inspire others around you to open up more too!
Keeping It Up! Additional Sessions		Your BeLoveCurious therapist will stay by your side for as long as you like, as and when you need them. In additional sessions they can help you to stay focused on what’s important to you in your love and relationship life as well as your sex life, support you as you put new strategies into practice, and help you go beyond your uniquely personal barriers so you can discuss, create and enjoy a more satisfying sex life.

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