If you’ve read anything about BeLoveCurious up to this point, we’re fairly sure you’ll have a sense that our approach is very much tailored to you, whether you’re preparing for love, in the dating game already, or looking to get things back on track with your partner.
We know everyone has a unique story to tell and that different people need the support, inspiration and encouragement that’s right for them. That makes setting out what we do a little trickier than, let’s say, describing a product on eBay. And that’s why we can’t exactly give you a step-by-step guide to your sessions (so our apologies for the title!).
At the same time, we realise that you may be at least a little bit curious about what happens when you sign up with us, so we’ll try here to give you a sense of how you might work with your BeLoveCurious coach over a number of sessions.
Session 1: Getting to know you
This session is really all about getting to know you and preparing for the work ahead.
You can expect you and your BLC coach to explore:
- Where you’re at on your journey to love
- How you think about yourself in the context of your dating and relationship life, and in other areas of life
- What you already know about the ‘problem’ and what you’d like to know
- Why now?
- Your love and life goals and your current vision of a lovelife to love
- How you found the first session and whether BLC is right for you
- Planning to go forward with your coach and any administrative issues.
Ongoing sessions: Conversations that matter
After the first session, your coach will have some ideas about how to work with you and the themes she/he thinks will be useful to explore. However, the focus of each session will often be guided by what you want to discuss rather than your coach simply following a script or pursuing what she/he thinks is interesting. This might sound a bit ad hoc, but trust us, it works!
Knowing what we do about people and their lovelife issues, at least some of the following inquiries (which may take several sessions to explore, and may overlap) are likely to be relevant in opening up your understanding of your current lovelife:
What’s wrong with me?
Most of us entertain more negative than positive thoughts about ourselves, and nowhere is this more true than in the world of love and relationships. We’ll be curious about the disempowering opinions you hold about yourself, what’s at the source of them and start to see these for the self-limiting untruths that they are.
Early relationships are often the ones that set the foundation for our later love life. As a result of lost young loves many of us learn to become guarded game-players afraid to ask for and offer real intimacy out of fear our partner might one day hurt us. We’ll be curious about the special people and events in your past, and reveal what you’re doing now to protect your heart and keep others at a safe distance.
Family stories & histories
Like it or not, our parents, whether present or absent during childhood, provided us with a blueprint to the way relationships work. They communicated their relationship rules and the way they managed their partnership and the domestic environment helped to define the person we are and what we look for in our love lives. We’ll be curious about your family history and look at how your role models, siblings and other family relationship dynamics might be limiting your view of what’s possible for you.
Forgetting the books and gurus who tell us their (often competing) rules to relationship success, all of us have deeply embedded attitudes, values and beliefs that say how we as women and men, heterosexual or otherwise, are supposed to think and behave in relation to getting and keeping our desired partner. Many of these ideas are passed to us through wider society, culture, religion and other influential groups we belong to, yet we rarely challenge the ideas we’ve absorbed. We’ll be curious about the rules you apply to your lovelife and how these are helping or hindering what you want from love.
Heroes & zeros
Do you have a checklist of all the do’s and don’ts you want in a partner? You know the things we’re talking about… he/she simply has to be six foot tall and blonde, successful in banking, handy at DIY and cooking, romantic and a demon/temptress in the bedroom. Otherwise it’s no thanks and on with the search. While we positively advocate getting clear about the kind of person you want to spend your life with, if you’re still single and wondering if you’ll ever meet your Mr/Ms Right, we’ll be curious about why you’re so stuck on this vision of your perfect mate and consider how it may be limiting your options to finding the kind of connection you desire.
Sex & intimacy
It’s possible to have sex without intimacy and intimacy without sex, and yet sex-and-intimacy are so intertwined when we are interested in creating a successful, loving relationship. Oftentimes, being in a fully intimate relationship is limited by our ideas about sex, and a fear of intimacy can keep us expressing ourselves sexually in ways that don’t leave us feeling at all fulfilled. In this conversation we’ll be curious about your attitudes, values, beliefs and practices around both sex and intimacy so you can reveal and go beyond the unhelpful ideas and learn to express your love fully.
Action focused sessions: Making the vision a reality
It’s an absolute fact that the only thing that will make a difference in your lovelife is you doing some things differently to the way you are doing them now.
At BeLoveCurious we don’t mind saying that we don’t yet know what those things are that will work for you. Of course we can tell you to be flirty and just have fun, or join a social club, or change your online profile, but frankly we don’t believe that kind of advice will make much difference. “It’s just putting icing on a mud pie” as a brilliant coach once put it.
We do know that at some point in our conversations you will become aware of those things that you can do differently to cause some very different results. For some people the recognition is so powerful they don’t need us anymore – on goes the light bulb and away they go! For other people, it’s difficult initially to change the habits of a lifetime, so we’re here to coach you from the sidelines, seeing your goals as our own, and challenging you to ‘step up’ and ‘take it on’!
In action-focused sessions you can expect you and your BeLoveCurious coach to:
- Create dating and relationship goals and a clear plan for success
- Develop success as your mindset
- Identify the personal tools and techniques that will support you in achieving your goals
- Monitor, review and re-calibrate what you’re doing until change occurs naturally.
In other words, your BeLoveCurious coach is here to be your non nonsense champion, working with you to overcome the barriers and resistance you might feel when taking on your new personal challenges.
Review session / Final session
There is no guarantee that working with a BeLoveCurious coach over a few short weeks will deliver your ‘one true love’ to your doorstep by express mail order. And we think ‘being curious’ is a lifetime activity rather than something that has a clearly defined end-point. However, there will be times when we need to stop, reflect on and re-think our relationship …
- When you are feeling refreshed, excited and in action – already creating a lovelife to love!
- When you’ve had almost all the sessions you’ve booked and paid for and it’s time to consider what to do next
- When, for whatever reason, you feel it’s just not working for you and you’re ready to stop.
At any of these points, we will suggest a short review of the work you’ve done with your coach to date so you can acknowledge and celebrate your insights and achievements so far and think through what comes next for you. We’ll also check out how you feel about ending the sessions and moving forward on your own, including talking you through options for continuing with your coach now or at a later date. All of this is to leave you as prepared and ready as possible for what comes next, so you leave BeLoveCurious feeling clear, happy and satisfied with the work we’ve done together.